he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
