i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
