I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
