I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
