Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
