Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
