I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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