So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
