and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
