you would pick up someone in the library
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You can't just leave with hair like that
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
