yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
