I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
