When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
