If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
