Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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