Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
