I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
