She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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