Its about making memories worth repressing
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
