fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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