Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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