Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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