Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
