My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
