don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She told me I should be a condom model.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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