Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
50% drunk capacity currently
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
