So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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