Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
