You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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