so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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