So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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