She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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