he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
