what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
