We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
