haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
