Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
