the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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