When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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