Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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