Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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