she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
