lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
