My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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