every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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