end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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