i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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