I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
