Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
