I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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