Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
