'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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