Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
